New Toy

   Giving a Cutter a Shiny New Knife, all sharpened and everything, is probably a mistake, because we all know what the first thing they are gonna do is...

   Of course, guess what I Received today? a Perfectly new Throwing Knife - sharpened and ready to throw. 

   I got it from someone who KNOWS I Cut, but is more screwed up mentally then I am. it is a small yet comforting thought, to know that he has a few more problems than I do.

   But you know what I want more that a traditional Japanese Throwing knife? I want a Traditional Japanese 8-Point Shuriken....

   Using one of those I'd be set. if the 1st point duels out I got another. and it takes a long time before i need to re-sharpen my Blades.

   Sigh, Maybe one day I will buy myself one. but for now, I think someone else suspects my little... lets call it a Habit. If this one person found out, I know it would crush them, and if I let that happen... well my hands would be tied... a Catch 22 so to speak.

   I would want to stop cutting for them, but at the same time disappointing this one person, who means the world to me, would cause me to be more Depressed than ever, therefore giving me the biggest reason to cut.

   One day, I might be able to get myself to stop my Habit, but I don't think that day is anywhere in the near future. I depend on it to much these days. I need it, it keeps me from .... to put it simply, taking a long walk, off a short cliff.

   Makes me wonder... Would anyone miss me? Would anyone realize I was even gone if my body was never found? or would everyone just go on in their daily lives, not even suspecting that someone disappeared off the face of the planet?

LGBT

Love is not Man and Wife.
Love is not Woman and Husband.
Gender is not a Factor.


I, Sir, take you, Lord, to be my wedded Husband. With deepest joy I receive you into my life that together we may be one. As is Christ to His body, the church, so I will be to you a loving and faithful husband.. Always will I perform my headship over you even as Christ does over me, knowing that His Lordship is one of the holiest desires for my life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care. I promise I will live first unto God rather than others or even you. I promise that I will lead our lives into a life of faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Ever honoring God's guidance by His spirit through the Word, And so throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband.

I, Lady, take you, Miss, to be my wedded wife. With deepest joy I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife.

I see only one difference in these...
Both are between Love and Love.
There is no reason why it should be wrong.

I see Love,
they will never tell their children
"You were a drunk mistake!"
To want a child and be Gay,
Takes so much effort.
And you know what?
I'm proud to live on a planet where Gays exist!
I Myself am Bi.

One day people are gonna look back
and realize how wrong it was that anyone could hate Gay people.
I Hope one day everyone will agree

Cutting

So when most people cut, they slice their wrists. Why?
Why, if you don't want anyone to see, do you cut your Wrists - one of the most visible and obvious places of the body?
Why not your upper arm, your thigh, or your ankle?
If you don't want people to see it, then why do it where it is most visible?
I myself cut, but I do it in the places I mentioned.
I wish I could say that it doesn't help, that I could stop, but i just can't.
The pain inside is too much, I've come to rely on the physical pain.
Watching my blood spill from the self-inflicted wounds makes me feel better...
Like, "Look, I bleed the same color as them... we're not so different after all."
And the pain... well I call it pain, but actually, it's a relief.
The Relief of having my skin torn open by my own hand wielding my blade...
makes me feel numb where before i felt sorrow, anguish, and agony.
One day... Will i find an outlet that allows me to not cut?
It used to be my Poetry, but that stopped working.
Why is life so cruel to most people?
Many people are cutting these days just to get away from the Pain and Stress of everyday life...
It isn't right.
I know, I know. I sound like a Hypocrite,
and I guess I am...
I just wish I could stop...